Virtual Quill

MISSION STATEMENT

nospam@example.com (Lindesfarne) — 2010-03-07T12:58:44Z

This is probably a good time for me to detail the workings of Herd Thinners, Inc. for the humans who read this. Denizens of my world, of course, are all too familiar with it!
Basically, it’s a food processing and distribution company, specializing in bringing meat to supermarkets as quickly as possible. This is because their carnivorous customers demand fresh kills. With 20th-century breakthroughs in transportation and technology, the company lives up to its slogan “From Roar to Store in 24.”
A predator such as Kell is responsible for a specific quota measured in pounds (which as we’ve just seen can vary). When she kills an elk, for example, she drags it to a collection point in The Wild where the company’s butchers process it within hours. At sundown the meat from the collection point is trucked to a packaging plant. By dawn the individually wrapped food is shipped to grocery stores where they’re on the shelves by mid-morning. It’s an intricate set-up, and was copied first by UPS and then by Federal Express for non-food shipping.
Once Kell fulfills her daily quota (which in her case is usually by noon), she returns to the Herd Thinners offices where she fills out the paperwork and has staff meetings. Now that her leg is healing she’s staying home, which is making her quite restless. Fortunately for me, she’s using her free time to help me plan the wedding.
BTW, due to her many years with the company she’s receiving a full paycheck during her convalescence. (That’s based on length of service.) A predator injured during their first year of employment would simply be fired, or worse if they weren’t familiar with R.L.’s methods of downsizing. (Hint: it involves digestion)
I know humans eat meat. Do you have a similar process?

THE GRUDGE

nospam@example.com (Lindesfarne) — 2010-02-28T00:56:24Z

Eventful happenings back home, just when I’m swamped with my own workload. This means I have to hear everything secondhand from my bridesmaids, Fiona and Corrie.
With her broken tibia, Kell was unable to meet her prey quota which put her job at risk. Kell had no other options, so she agreed to have Sheila disguise herself and go out hunting in her place. (The disguise was important, as Herd Thinners has informants planted all over The Wild to ensure that their predators follow company policy. The informants are prey that had been caught and allowed to return for that purpose.) Sheila tried to hunt by taking directions from Kell via cell phone, but it wasn’t effective.
Instead she found her boyfriend Frank Mangle who saw through the disguise immediately. (They obviously have become close!) Frank confessed that the reason he has despised Kell all these years was because she once chased him up a tree when they were little. Except...it wasn’t Kell who did that. Sheila admitted it was her.
Faced with seeing the incident in a new light, Frank realized how juvenile it was for him to hold a grudge that long. That issue was resolved, but there was still the problem of finding prey weeks before the herds were scheduled to arrive.
Unexpectedly, they came early. Unlike some parts of the country, the weather has been warm here and the herds thundered over the hills just in time for all the predators to make their quota.
You know, it just occurred to me. Kell admits that she chased her share of felines up trees as a pup, but she never remembered chasing Ms. Eyeshine (who, of course, remembered it vividly). Do you think that was actually Sheila that time as well?

BREAK A LEG

nospam@example.com (Lindesfarne) — 2010-02-21T02:01:31Z

I woke yesterday at sunset to find a bunch of E-mails and texts from the family back home, saying that Kell had broken her left tibia while hunting. It had happened in The Wild when she’d fallen into a gopher hole. I immediately asked if I should come home right away, but Kell said no; everything was under control.
Kell knew right away it was a fracture, and called Dad on her personal cell phone. (If she’d called the Herd Thinners predator distress line she would have been under their care...and often those who enter the company health system aren’t seen again until they’re found in a grocery store display case.)
Dad and Rudy found her about twenty minutes later and carried her to the minivan. Dr. Caduceus said it was a clean break, not a spiral fracture, and put it in a cast for the next six weeks. He said she’ll be back to full speed in about three to four months.
Today I asked again what I could do and Kell said nothing at the moment. With the Hare-Link staff downstairs she has a full house of people helping her out, plus Ms. Eyeshine across the street and Fiona, Corrie and Martha next door in the boarding house.
Then there’s her cousin Sheila. The whole reason Kell was out hunting when prey is nowhere to be found is because R.L. said he’d fire anyone who failed to meet a new quota. Now Kell is injured, and Sheila (who hasn’t hunted in forever) has volunteered to try.
Kell may need my help after all, but the bugs that I’d bring in don’t weigh that much.
Today's question: Am I an awful person for wondering how this will affect my wedding plans?

BE MINE

nospam@example.com (Lindesfarne) — 2010-02-14T11:20:26Z

Happy Valentines Day! We got our share of snow this time; 4.25 inches on Friday evening. The sun came out Saturday and melted a great deal of it, but then the temps went into the twenties and refroze everything. As a result, no moonlight flights for us. We stayed snuggled inside nice, warm Tree, playing Wii games.
Tree is continuing her recovery, getting stronger with each passing day. The ground here is sturdy enough to support her, and soft enough to allow her root system to spread. Her sap pressure is slightly low, but improving. We’re careful not to turn on too many of her systems at once. At first we questioned whether we should even be living inside her at this point, but she insisted. She said that having us here improved her spirits, which of course is the best medicine.
Birds are nesting in her upper branches, which is another sign of health. That makes Fenton nervous for some reason, though, but he can’t put his finger on why.
Um, did I say that we were living inside Tree? Um...My official residence is back at the dorm with Rachel. That’s where my mail goes. Move along, people, nothing to see here.
With everything going on, Spring Break for us will be Going Berserk With Wedding Plans Break. But I’ve ranted enough about that in recent blogs so I’ll spare you for this week at least.
A friend named Jim Hunkler sent the snow-Kell and snow-Coney. Did any of you make snow creatures?

LEFT IN THE DARK

nospam@example.com (Lindesfarne) — 2010-02-07T12:06:46Z

In what is probably a common reaction among grooms, Fenton got all emo about being left out of the wedding plans. (Yeah, I wish I could have that option!) These feelings came despite his having absolutely zero interest in the various tasks, or the ability to carry them out even if he did. It’s one of the major events in his life and it’s totally beyond his control. Letting him figure out the seating chart for the reception should keep him busy, even if he accomplishes it by writing special computer code.
Most of the planning is taking place at Tree, with Rachel and Rhonda and (via Skype) Tammy. Rhonda is disappointed that Fenton and I won’t be living in the Family Housing dorm next year with her and Quinn. Speaking of Quinn, he accompanies Rhonda during her visits here and he and Fenton end up on the sofa playing video games.
My bridesmaids are going to be Rhonda, Rachel, Tammy, Fiona and Corrie. Rachel wondered if her girlfriend Joan could be included, but I had to say no simply because I don’t know Joan that well. I’ve already had to turn down several of my old herbivore friends from Caliban.
Speaking of being left out, Tree (who is still on the mend) wishes that she could attend the ceremony in some fashion. I came up with a solution. Coney, as the Flower Girl, won’t be sprinkling flower petals as she walks down the aisle. Instead, Coney will use the pine needles that came off Tree during the process of being loaded onto the truck last month. (There were lots of those!)
Today's question for those of you on the east coast of the US: how many inches of snow did you get? (We just got cold, awful, nasty rain.)

GROWTH CENTER

nospam@example.com (Lindesfarne) — 2010-01-31T01:33:16Z

When Gran married Douglas Squirrel she agreed to dig tunnels to store his considerable acorn holdings. Unfortunately, she dug too deep and the flood got into them. The seeds sprouted, and in desperation he ended up donating the little oaks to the city.
The acorns were planted in an uninhabited area bordering the Wild that was prone to erosion. Once they take root they’ll keep the soil from washing away. It’s already been named the Douglas Squirrel Botanical Gardens, although of course it will ready only be appreciated by my grandchildren.
Tree plantings have been done before, but the saplings usually end up being eaten by herbivores. What makes the difference here is Gran. She’s well known at resolving disputes by “going Medieval on one’s hindquarters” and few plant eaters would dare cross her once she put the word out that eating one of the trees would be the equivalent of stealing from her garden.
Speaking of vegetation, Tree is still slowly recovering from her ordeal. I’d say she only has about 30% of her previous abilities but she’s making progress. Fenton’s using his sonar to detect her root system’s gradual integration with the local environment.
Me, I’m still planning a wedding and doing my final projects for my degree. Rachel winked about what Fenton and I do when we’re inside Tree. Honestly? I nap.
Do humans have areas that are set aside for natural growth?

SERVER SPACE

nospam@example.com (Lindesfarne) — 2010-01-24T02:17:49Z

Dad was initially leery about housing the Hare-Link equipment inside Tree, which was understandable since Tree was slow in learning the ethics of our society. According to Tree, the very concept of ethics is foreign to plant life; it’s just that Tree’s intelligence and power of speech mean her actions have greater impact than that of other vegetation, including Daisy.
This led to some dangerous events before she gained our trust. Dad was the last to come around, owning to his protectiveness of me. Allowing her to keep his company’s important assets was a leap of faith for him.
Now she’s here at Beige U. (Yes, I’m writing this from inside her.) and Dad needed a new place for the equipment back home. In fact, he required extra space because Hare-Link turned out to be the hero of the flood. It was the city’s wifi that we installed for its emergency communications that allowed the various departments to flawlessly work together, with the result that no lives were lost. Not even earthworms.
The natural solution to the problem was the Fennec Boarding House. Ralph and Martha still have lots of empty space, and they’re even closer than Tree was. It was decided to use one of the unoccupied floors in the wing that George Fennec used to inhabit before the divorce.
Fenton and I helped move the equipment and set everything up. The boarding house residents all say that that their Internet connections are stronger, but that’s sort of a placebo effect; the signal’s point of origin hasn’t changed. I’m not correcting them, though!

AFTER THE FLOOD

nospam@example.com (Lindesfarne) — 2010-01-17T02:27:50Z

I write this from Beige University, inside Tree. I never imagined such an occurrence could happen, so let me take the story from the beginning.
After half of my quills turned white to create a yin/yang pattern I knew I had emotional issues to deal with. I sought Tree’s input, so I left my university dorm and drove two hours through a driving rainstorm. I should’ve been paying attention to the weather reports.
Tree had also been worried about our future and, like me, saw no way of staying together without me giving up some part of my dreams. It was at that moment the evacuation order went out for the immediate area.
It was mid-afternoon, and the Wysiwyg River was rising to never-before-seen levels. Dad, Kell, Rudy and Coney were out of town, so they were okay, and our house was on high ground. Hare-Link’s equipment was stored in Tree, however, so I began moving it to Tree’s higher rooms while I listened to the news updates.
Tree told me to leave and save myself, but suddenly she went silent. That was the worst part. I was so alone, and the water was engulfing the lower floors. For the next few hours I kept carrying Fenton’s belongings to higher and higher levels. I called Dad on my cell, and they headed back to Domain as fast as they could.
Fenton flew all the way from Beige and arrived just as the flood crested. He plucked me off the high branches, and we spent the night at my family’s house. The morning revealed whole neighborhoods under water and dozens of families crowded into shelters.
My folks returned, and Dad called a tree surgeon to examine Tree. Long story short: the only way of saving her was to remove her from the loose soil and be replanted. Fortunately, Dad’s foresight led him to take out enough flood insurance to make that possible.
So here I am. While I won’t officially move in until after the wedding I anticipate spending a lot of time here helping Tree adjust to her new surroundings. When she’s better able to sustain a crowd of people inside her, we’ll have a housewarming. This song will be featured at the party.
Next week: Dad now has to find a new place to store the Hare Link equipment!

REPORTS

nospam@example.com (Lindesfarne) — 2010-01-10T12:40:23Z

2:33 p.m. National Weather Service issues a flash flood advisory for township of Domain. Residents near the Wysiwyg River should seek higher ground.
2:49 p.m. Mayor Brenda Bruin issues alert. All city employees on emergency status.
2:55 p.m. Domain Sheriff's office sends out vehicles to low-laying neighborhoods to assist in evacuation.
3:11 p.m. 911 calls indicate rising water near the Domain ferry service.
3:17 p.m. National Weather Service reports that 21 inches of rain have fallen in the past 24 hours.
3:23 p.m. Calls to 911 increase. Rabbit warren tunnels sealed off. Earthworms are the first to evacuate.
4:12 p.m. Cell phone service disrupted due to heavy calling traffic. Media updates confirm that the Wysiwyg River is over its banks and rising rapidly.
4:45 p.m. Police cruise affected neighborhoods, issuing evacuation orders on loudspeakers. River now five feet above flood stage. Ferry service, recycling plant, water treatment plant now under water.
4:49 p.m. Board of Education press officer reports that all students of Eyetooth High School have safely been evacuated. Caliban Academy, situated on a high bluff, is out of danger.
4:53 p.m. National Weather Service issues statement that Wysiwyg River is nine feet above flood stage and rising.
5:15 p.m. Mayor Bruin issues edict prohibiting all looting and all predation during crisis. She assures all that the city emergency staff continues to function thanks to having the foresight to create its own wi-fi network, maintained by the local company Hare-Link.
5:37 p.m. National Weather Service reports that river is 14 feet above floor stage. Number of affected homes are in the dozens.
6:45 p.m. Wysiwyg River crests at 19 feet above flood stage. Some homes are completely underwater. Miraculously, thanks to the citywide preparedness and its communication network, no deaths are reported.

YIN YANG

nospam@example.com (Lindesfarne) — 2010-01-02T22:42:29Z

I woke on Saturday (around 5:30 p.m.) and discovered that about half of my quills had turned white. This has happened once before, but in that case it was after I’d received an intense scare. These days it isn’t fear that’s causing emotional distress, but the conflicting feelings tearing at me.
As I begin my final semester I find myself hurtling toward decisions that I believed I wouldn’t have to make for a few years. Not in marrying Fenton; in retrospect I’d made up my mind to do that long ago. What’s eating at me is what comes after. As I analyze things, I guess that I had been putting off that eventuality, and dealing with it by ignoring it. (There was once an expression referring to “The elephant in the room” but elephants protested that it was size-ist so now it’s no longer PC.)
Ignoring it is no longer an option. Come June, after our honeymoon, we’ll either be settling into a life in Domain or we’ll be heading to a university where I can continue my research and career. Yes, I know that it’s possible to get a Master’s and even a Ph.D. online, but in my field of genetics I’d require incredibly expensive equipment. Also, in this burgeoning field I’d need to be on a department staff where I could be part of a team, co-writing papers and making contacts at conferences.
I’ve talked to Fenton about a little of this, but thanks to my tell-tale quills it’s obvious that my subconscious is forcing me to come to an immediate resolution. Classes here at Beige won’t start until mid-week, so I have a few days to sort things out. I’m going home (without Fenton) for a heart-to-heart talk with someone who will be vastly impacted by the decision we make...and who is also manifesting the emotions of stress and uncertainty.
Tree.
No question this week. Just...wish me luck.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

nospam@example.com (Lindesfarne) — 2009-12-27T12:00:17Z

Fenton and returned early to school from Christmas break, mainly because I have a ton of research to finish up before I graduate in May. And no, I still haven't given any thought to what comes after that. Intense focus to the exclusion of all else is what's gotten me this far, so why stop now?
Thing is, for the first time my singular focus is divided between the work needed to graduate and my wedding preparations. Fenton is being as supportive as he can, but there's nothing he can do for the first task and little that he's capable of doing for the second.
Tree is bothered as well. (I was surprised that trees had nightmares; I didn't know they slept.) I think her dream is a sign that she fears being severed from Fenton, but heck; I'm no psychology major.
This little suburban world of ours is going to be changing, and I'm the reason. Ironically, all the time I was growing up with Angelique in the household I craved stability. I finally found it, and now I'm leaving.
It's going to be an interesting year.
So, what are your plans for New Year's Eve?

LAST CHRISTMAS

nospam@example.com (Lindesfarne) — 2009-12-20T02:04:11Z

I’m home from college after the fall semester, and I repeated my Christmas tree impression one more time for the family. I’m now down to business doing the gift shopping, which is always a challenge since fall semester usually ends less than a week before the holiday.
I’m feeling nostalgic, as this will be my last Christmas before Fenton and I start our own family. No, it’ll just be the two of us for a while, but still, things will be different next year. I’m paying more attention than usual to the little Dewclaw family traditions we have: Kell crying at old movies on TV, Dad eating the mistletoe, Rudy attempting to buy earrings that Fiona doesn’t already own and Coney trying to sneak downstairs in the middle the night on Christmas Eve only to encounter nocturnal me guarding the presents. I’ll miss all that.
Yes, I know, I’ll be living within Tree just down the street, at the bottom of the hill. The thing is, I’d always planned on going to graduate school and getting a Ph.D. I can’t do that here in Domain. This whole graduation business came upon me suddenly, and in five months, it’ll be here.
What do I want for Christmas? Time to make decisions that’ll impact my entire life.
Now Fenton and I are off to see “Avatar.” It’s about a herbivore mentally controlling the body of a blue predator. Today's question for those of you who saw the movie this weekend, what did you think?

O TANNENBAUM

nospam@example.com (Lindesfarne) — 2009-12-13T12:17:00Z

It was fun being decorated like a Christmas tree. It was for the party that Rhonda and Quinn threw at the family housing dorm, and I was a big hit with the students’ young children. (All under five.) I didn’t stand in one place, through, so people couldn’t place presents beneath me. Fenton took a picture and sent it to Tree back home, who replied with great mirth. She called me the daughter she’d never had. It was just a temporary costume, of course, as already my quills are growing back.
Back home, four-year-old Coney is at the stage where she’s asking questions about Santa. Every child goes through a stage of believing that lasts until about age six or seven, when the inherent contradictions of the story cause it to collapse. Still, it’s instructive as it teaches self-control for both carnivores and herbivores.
It the case of carnivores, that was the reason for Santa being the most tempting of targets: an elderly, overweight prey species clad in easy-to-spot bright red. Young predators had to balance the immediate gratification of eating Santa against the consequence of never receiving presents in the future. They learned that “good boys and girls” chose the long view, and thereby began to appreciate the benefits of conserving limited resources.
The custom of setting out plates of foliage for Santa to browse tries to do the same for herbivore children, but with less effectiveness. I was raised as a plant eater, and was told that if I ate Santa’s leaves he’d starve to death. With all that fat on him, I didn’t buy it. The little plate left on the fireplace wasn’t going to make that much of a difference to his survival! Still, I’m sure I’ll tell the same story to my children.
To the humans out there, I assume your Santa is human as well. Does he fulfill a similar role of influencing the behavior of human children?

SHOES...

nospam@example.com (Lindesfarne) — 2009-12-06T13:00:08Z

Fenton and I are back at Beige after spending the weekend at home decorating Tree. She puts a great deal of effort into her appearance, which leads me to wonder if she’s unusual in that regard or if other trees are similarly inclined but just aren’t able to express themselves. I especially wonder about deciduous trees and their gaudy fall colors.
Danielle created shoes for Francis to wear, which makes sense. During the brief time that Fenton and I were in the human world, buying shoes was one of the first things we did. If we had stayed for any length of time our bare feet would have developed protective callouses, but that wouldn’t have solved the cultural problem. All of the humans that we encountered wore shoes, and we didn’t want to stand out more than we probably did. “Look at that couple! They’re eating crickets! And they’re not wearing shoes!”
On this side of the portal the only shoe-wearing species is the horse, and purely for protective purposes. The idea of wearing them as ornamentation doesn’t exist here, probably because with all of our fur we have so many other ways of expressing vanity.
I’m not immune from that. Tonight I’m going to find out what it’s like for someone to decorate me.
So, what kind of shoes do you humans wear?

TWO THANKSGIVINGS

nospam@example.com (Lindesfarne) — 2009-11-29T10:33:38Z

I'm back at school after the Thanksgiving holidays. As usual, Fenton and I had two Thanksgiving meals, twelve hours apart, one with my family and one with his. The major thing to report about the Fuscus meal is that this was the first extended visit I've had with them since I agreed to set the wedding date. Mrs. Fuscus was inordinately pleased, looking like the cat that ate the canary. (Do you humans have an expression like that?)
Over at my family's tree the main event was the presence of Kell's identical cousin Sheila and her date, Kell's office rival Frank Mangle. After a few catty comments on his part (to be expected, I guess), he settled down and was on his best behavior. Sheila was nervous at first, but she was relieved when it was all over. All told it went as well as one could hope. I'm sure it won't be the last time we see them together.
I took the opportunity to compare the DNA between Kell and Sheila. I'd suspected that they were actually twins that were raised apart, but I couldn't imagine why Elanor would hide something like that. It turned out she didn't. Sheila is as advertised, the daughter of Elanor's late sister, while Kell is indeed the offspring of Franklin and Elanor. So, no big revelation there.
The "identical" business really isn't accurate. Their markings are the same, and their scent is close enough to throw off anyone who doesn't know them well, but once you see them together for a while you can observe the differences. I'm pretty sure Mr. Mangle has observed them already. Wink. Wink.
Today's question (for those who celebrated Thanksgiving): How many relations were at your Thanksgiving meal?