Virtual Quill

FUEL SOURCE

Aby Eyeshine has long made a hobby of developing an alternative fuel to power automobiles, and with the raising price of gas it has a new urgency. In short, it’s attracted the attention of R.L. (Never a good thing.)
He attempted to buy her shop to gain control of anything she created, and he was summarily rebuffed. Apparently he thought you could power cars with the Herd Thinners main product: dead herbivores. I guess to him, prey provides everything else in life; why not that, too? Kell patiently explained to him why that wouldn’t be efficient.
Synthetic fuels aren’t my area of expertise, but I E-mailed Aby that if she developed anything I could be her gateway into the research community. (I’ve gotten awfully good at writing grant applications.)
In other news, June came and went without Fenton’s parents pushing me into a wedding before I was ready. I wonder if you can develop fuel by harnessing the friction from future in-laws.

CAUGHT

The two local FBI agents (whom we now know on a first-name basis owing to our previous adventures) arrested Douglas Squirrel as the airline hijacker “D.B. Cooper.” He immediately pled guilty and seemed quite relieved in doing so. Spending over thirty five years on the run was exhausting, I’m sure.
The Daily Domain had front page articles about him every day, since it was their reporter who tracked him down. With no trial he was quickly sentenced and sent to the nearby minimum security prison where his cellmate turned out to be...Grandpa.
Elanor has been getting updates via her existing online relationship with Grandpa, and the two cellmates seem to be getting along. They’re the same age, both herbivores, and they have the inexhaustible topic of Gran to talk about.
Speaking of Gran, she’s made good on her promise to shop Mr. Squirrel’s memoirs to literary agents in New York. She’s settled on one who has agreed to edit the manuscript into shape before submitting it to what is sure to be a heavy bidding war.

BAT SPEAK

It’s not easy learning how to speak the bat language, but if I’m going to be married to one for the rest of my life I figure I’d better be able to. While I don’t have the hearing range for echolocation I am able to communicate with the elements that depend on wing flapping. (Fenton teases me for having an accent.)
Meanwhile, we got home from the beach to find that Douglas Squirrel had rescued the same kitten from our tree that Kell had rescued weeks earlier. (What is it with that kid???) There was a big write-up in the Daily Domain, and the paper is even planning a follow-up article on the unusual occurrence of a herbivore saving a carnivore.
I’m actually uneasy about this, and I sense that Gran is, too. We know about Mr. Squirrel’s past, and while it happened a long time ago media attention still probably isn’t a good idea.
Hang on. Police sirens are within my hearing range, and I think I just heard one.

STUPID, STUPID BIRD CREATURE

There I was, minding my own business on the beach in such a way that my quills wouldn’t hurt anybody, and some dumb myopic avian tries to make me his lunch. He misjudges the distance, and the next thing I know I’ve got a dead shore bird impaled on my quills.
Rudy got it off without hurting himself, which showed a deftness that impressed me. A few hours later it was rotating on a spit, and it provided dinner for Kell, Rudy and Coney. (Dad had his usual salad, and I had shrimp scampi. To me, shrimp are indistinguishable from the insects I normally eat.)
Dad and Kell went swimming together, and I volunteered to babysit Coney. Being a toddler she requires constant entertainment, and I complied by rolling myself into a ball, and then various other shapes. It wasn’t easy.
Other than that, the vacation has been relaxing. I miss Fenton, of course, and we text each other constantly. I can see the day when we’ll be bringing our own family here.

TO THE SEA

We’re getting ready for our annual beach vacation, and as much as I’ll miss Fenton I’m relieved to be getting away from his parents.
Each year the five of us load up the old minivan and head to the coast for some relaxation. I enjoy it, although it carries extra emotional baggage for me since I’m reminded of what lies offshore: the portal leading back to the human world from which I came. While Ray and Tammy’s lighthouse is about two hundred miles north of where we’ll be, I can’t help but be put in mind of that night when I almost left this dimension forever...and what a mistake that would have been.
Speaking of which, I’ve done preliminary analysis of the interdimensional radiation and without going into the details (which I’m saving for a patent!) I’m developing a device that I think would theoretically be capable of receiving signals. That means I would be able to receive communications from the other side, if any existed! I’ll construct it when I return home, and hopefully finish it by the end of June.
Time to start packing for the trip. As usual I won’t be bringing anything inflatable.

MOTHERS IN LAW

Being home from college for the summer, I'm spending a good part of my time at Fenton's Tree rather than at my family's place. Part of that is because about eight hours a day already finds me in the basement working on Hare-Link tech, so going to Fenton's is like a commute. I guess that, unlike Dad, I'm not cut out for the work-at-home life.
(BTW, I'm not sleeping at Fenton's, so don't get any ideas!)
I'm starting to contrast Mrs. Fuscus with Tree, as Fenton has sort of a maternal relationship with both. I don't, however, see it as potentially having two mothers-in-law. What I've noticed is that while Tree does control the actual living systems (A/C, heat, electricity, plumbing, data, etc.), she's not as controlling as Fenton's actual mom, at least in terms of wedding plans that I'm not ready to make yet.
Hmmm...I think I just chose where we'll have the wedding. Yes, I think we could all fit inside Tree.

WHISPERING

The “ghost whisperer” just left, declaring that the spirit of Kell’s first husband had just “crossed over.” I’m skeptical, of course; all I saw was Kell having a conversation with the collie and some unseen other individual. It was like weird piece of performance art. Still, Kell seems happier afterwards, and since no money changed hands it couldn’t have been some sort of scam. So, who knows?
Rudy had always claimed to feel the presence of his late father, but he didn’t seem affected by the departure of the spirit. It seems he’d already made his peace with the situation.
I did notice, though, that all of the people who claim to be able to communicate with the dead (Kell, Rudy, Elanor, this “ghost whisperer” collie...) are all canines.
Anyway, on to more pressing matters. Fenton’s parents are still meddling with my life. I think I liked them better when they were ignoring him (and me) but the engagement changed all that. I was able to cancel the plans they were making without my input, but to forestall further moves on their part I’m going to have have some choices.
...Like china patterns. sigh

SUMMER BREAK

I’m home, which is weird. Everyone’s looking at me like I’m engaged or something.
Heh.
Anyway, I still don’t feel different. Despite the pressures put on me by Fenton’s parents the actual wedding date still feels far away, and I intend to keep it that way. That’s fine with Fenton, too. For so long he’s wanted me to marry him, and now that I’ve made that commitment and have a ring on my paw he seems fine with the status quo for now.
In other news, Kell and Rudy behave as if the spirit of Kell’s late first husband is still hanging around. (The same goes for Kell’s late father, but that another story.) As a person of science I find all of this ridiculous, but they take it so seriously I’m not saying anything. In fact, it’s so important to them that Kell is going to call in a “professional”...A “ghost whisperer.”
Hey, I’m not judgmental when it comes to outlandish beliefs. After all, I’m the one doing research on interdimensional portals.

SEMESTER’S END

I’m taking a break from this portal business to focus on my classwork. I’m in the middle of exams, and I’m finishing up my lab work for the semester. I’ll be heading home for the summer on Wednesday.
I was very glad to see that the Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act passed Congress, as that makes people more willing to cooperate with genetic research such as mine. Previously I would encounter a deep reluctance on the part of potential subjects who were afraid that any results of an analysis of their DNA would result in insurance companies finding something they were likely to have, and canceling their health coverage. I can’t say they weren’t right to be concerned, but this law makes that illegal.
Issues of Modern Bride began arriving in my campus mailbox. (It was the only thing in there; everything else in my life arrives online.) It wasn’t hard to guess who sent me the gift subscription to that magazine; Fenton’s parents are getting awfully annoying. Then again, who knows how my folks will behave over the coming months while I’m home?

CURIOSITY KILLED THE HEDGEHOG

Well, I hope not! However, curiosity is getting the better of me as I investigate this inter-dimensional portal transmission theory. What could happen is that a receiver could exist on the other side of a portal, hooked up to a server to give everyone in that world access to what would be completely firewalled on the opposite side.
How to test it? I know where one portal is located, and working for an ISP means I have all of the communications hardware at my disposal. After classes end in two weeks I’ll have time to do some serious testing.
Why am I doing this? The aforementioned curiosity is one thing, but the main thing is the safety issue. Simply monitoring transmissions is a passive way of gaining information about another place or time, without the risk of bodily crossing over. I assume that if inhabitants of another dimension have been monitoring my world, they’re likely to be “mostly harmless” since they haven’t launched anything aggressive against us.
Of course, for all I know, they could simply regard it as a work of fiction.

FURTHER INVESTIGATION

While testing the theoretical portal leakage (I do need to think of the better name for that!), I examined the immediate vicinity of the portals that Fenton and I know about within a fifty mile radius of Domain. I was looking for electromagnetic signals and background radiation that were not detectable elsewhere. Astonishingly, I did locate some around one portal that I know goes back to the mid-20th century of our own world. The signals turned out to be from ham radio operators, and since I don’t want to change the past in any way I’m not going to send any signals back.
So, to quote Jamie and Adam on “Mystbusters,” this can be filed under “Plausible.” The signals carrying my blog don’t go near that portal I tested, but come close to one whose destination is a mystery to me. As a regular viewer of the various “Stargate” series I’m reticent of poking my head through there; who knows what’s on the other side???
The question now is whether to continue this blog. After some consideration I’ve decided that I will. I enjoy writing it, and I doubt that it would have any significant effect on any universe that stumbles across it!
Meanwhile, it’s shedding season for everybody. On the way back from testing that portal I accidentally shed some quills that rained down on Rudy. He did have a point; hedgehogs really weren’t suppose to fly.

LEAKAGE

For a while now this blog has served as a personal diary or journal, completely sealed off from prying eyes. This has allowed me to comment unreservedly on my human origins, inside details on Hare Link’s business and even situations like Mr. Squirrel’s that I’d never want to be open to the public. I’ve used my entire reservoir of computer knowledge to keep it hidden behind the tightest firewall and encrypted security possible.
As far as I know that’s worked. However...some technical developments have made me wonder. Hare Link uses a signal that is impervious to anyone in this world I live in, but is in close proximity to one of the portals I discovered during my brief visit to human world.
After running some tests, I’ve found it's theoretically possible that this signal could make my blog available to someone on the other side of that portal. It’s far-fetched, but considering the events in my past I really can’t rule it out just on the basis of improbability.

PARACHUTE, PART II

Just after writing last week’s blog I began asking myself whether that really could be “D.B.Cooper’s” means of descent from the plane he hijacked. Namely, if Mr. Squirrel did land in that bird feeder, with the chute blowing away on its own just after impact, how could it have drifted two whole miles?
Then came the news that the chute found last week was of a much earlier vintage. That made much more sense, and has the added benefit of discouraging further interest that could lead to Mr. Squirrel’s doorstep. It does, of course, raise the question of what exactly did happen to his parachute.
It had to have been found nearby, if not by law enforcement personnel then by someone else. But who would’ve hidden it? I believe Mr. Squirrel when he says he had no accomplices (“D. B, Cooper’s” actions during the hijacking suggest that.) so who would’ve actively hidden evidence of a world-famous crime they weren’t a part of?
Perhaps it was the owners of the bird feeder that Mr. Squirrel landed in? But, what would birds in the Pacific Northwest have had to hide?
Anyway, gotta go. I need to update my MicroTalon software.

PARACHUTE

With a shock, I read on www.cnn.com the news that “D.B. Cooper’s” parachute from the hijacking decades ago had been found. I immediately went on GoogleEarth and compared the site to where Douglas Squirrel had been arrested for breaking and entering into a bird feeder on the very day that the hijacker had bailed out. Yep, the location of the chute was just two miles away from that spot; the wind had blown it that far before it settled into the forest floor.
I know Gran and Mr. Squirrel are following this story with intense interest. While Gran has apparently accepted that Mr. Squirrel has served his debt to society, I doubt that the federal authorities will agree.
It was a matter of luck that he wasn’t fingered right away. Luck, and jurisdictional conflicts. He was arrested by local law enforcement, and they never thought to tie him to the hijacking. Today, with an interconnected database, that confusion wouldn’t have happened.
The question now is, is somebody going to go through the court records of the town where the parachute was discovered and say, Hey, there was a squirrel arrested in a bird feeder on the same day the hijacker vanished. He fit the description. Better check him out...

EASTER BUNNY, TAKE TWO

Happy Easter! I drove up from Beige to celebrate the day with my family, and to see how Rudy would do with his second Easter Bunny gig. Being nocturnal, I was able to stay up and track his movements around the county via GPS.
Of course he had help in the person of Fiona. She’s an interesting character, blessed with smarts, enthusiasm, looks and (yes) wealth. She’s the walking embodiment of The Whole Package and Rudy, to his credit, knows what he has in her.
Fiona’s had her share of bizarre occurrences in her life, and she seems settled and relieved that they seem to be over. Still, one facet of her personality is her relish in dressing in costumes. At various times she’s disguised herself as a sheep, as Rudy and now as the Easter Bunny. She also took great pleasure in giving her father a rabbit makeover when he was briefly dating a rabbit-phile fennec, and in creating a fox costume for her mother when she was transformed into a human.
Add to this her photography hobby, and Fiona seems to put lots of effort into the art of imagery. Rudy himself is an artist, so perhaps this is the common denominator of their relationship.
BTW, they did fine distributing the eggs. From what Dad told me, the Rabbit Council was extremely pleased.