Entries by Lindesfarne

There I was, minding my own business on the beach in such a way that my quills wouldn’t hurt anybody, and some dumb myopic avian tries to make me his lunch. He misjudges the distance, and the next thing I know I’ve got a dead shore bird impaled on my quills.
Rudy got it off without hurting himself, which showed a deftness that impressed me. A few hours later it was rotating on a spit, and it provided dinner for Kell, Rudy and Coney. (Dad had his usual salad, and I had shrimp scampi. To me, shrimp are indistinguishable from the insects I normally eat.)
Dad and Kell went swimming together, and I volunteered to babysit Coney. Being a toddler she requires constant entertainment, and I complied by rolling myself into a ball, and then various other shapes. It wasn’t easy.
Other than that, the vacation has been relaxing. I miss Fenton, of course, and we text each other constantly. I can see the day when we’ll be bringing our own family here.

We’re getting ready for our annual beach vacation, and as much as I’ll miss Fenton I’m relieved to be getting away from his parents.
Each year the five of us load up the old minivan and head to the coast for some relaxation. I enjoy it, although it carries extra emotional baggage for me since I’m reminded of what lies offshore: the portal leading back to the human world from which I came. While Ray and Tammy’s lighthouse is about two hundred miles north of where we’ll be, I can’t help but be put in mind of that night when I almost left this dimension forever...and what a mistake that would have been.
Speaking of which, I’ve done preliminary analysis of the interdimensional radiation and without going into the details (which I’m saving for a patent!) I’m developing a device that I think would theoretically be capable of receiving signals. That means I would be able to receive communications from the other side, if any existed! I’ll construct it when I return home, and hopefully finish it by the end of June.
Time to start packing for the trip. As usual I won’t be bringing anything inflatable.

Being home from college for the summer, I'm spending a good part of my time at Fenton's Tree rather than at my family's place. Part of that is because about eight hours a day already finds me in the basement working on Hare-Link tech, so going to Fenton's is like a commute. I guess that, unlike Dad, I'm not cut out for the work-at-home life.
(BTW, I'm not sleeping at Fenton's, so don't get any ideas!)
I'm starting to contrast Mrs. Fuscus with Tree, as Fenton has sort of a maternal relationship with both. I don't, however, see it as potentially having two mothers-in-law. What I've noticed is that while Tree does control the actual living systems (A/C, heat, electricity, plumbing, data, etc.), she's not as controlling as Fenton's actual mom, at least in terms of wedding plans that I'm not ready to make yet.
Hmmm...I think I just chose where we'll have the wedding. Yes, I think we could all fit inside Tree.

The “ghost whisperer” just left, declaring that the spirit of Kell’s first husband had just “crossed over.” I’m skeptical, of course; all I saw was Kell having a conversation with the collie and some unseen other individual. It was like weird piece of performance art. Still, Kell seems happier afterwards, and since no money changed hands it couldn’t have been some sort of scam. So, who knows?
Rudy had always claimed to feel the presence of his late father, but he didn’t seem affected by the departure of the spirit. It seems he’d already made his peace with the situation.
I did notice, though, that all of the people who claim to be able to communicate with the dead (Kell, Rudy, Elanor, this “ghost whisperer” collie...) are all canines.
Anyway, on to more pressing matters. Fenton’s parents are still meddling with my life. I think I liked them better when they were ignoring him (and me) but the engagement changed all that. I was able to cancel the plans they were making without my input, but to forestall further moves on their part I’m going to have have some choices.
...Like china patterns. sigh

I’m home, which is weird. Everyone’s looking at me like I’m engaged or something.
Heh.
Anyway, I still don’t feel different. Despite the pressures put on me by Fenton’s parents the actual wedding date still feels far away, and I intend to keep it that way. That’s fine with Fenton, too. For so long he’s wanted me to marry him, and now that I’ve made that commitment and have a ring on my paw he seems fine with the status quo for now.
In other news, Kell and Rudy behave as if the spirit of Kell’s late first husband is still hanging around. (The same goes for Kell’s late father, but that another story.) As a person of science I find all of this ridiculous, but they take it so seriously I’m not saying anything. In fact, it’s so important to them that Kell is going to call in a “professional”...A “ghost whisperer.”
Hey, I’m not judgmental when it comes to outlandish beliefs. After all, I’m the one doing research on interdimensional portals.

I’m taking a break from this portal business to focus on my classwork. I’m in the middle of exams, and I’m finishing up my lab work for the semester. I’ll be heading home for the summer on Wednesday.
I was very glad to see that the Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act passed Congress, as that makes people more willing to cooperate with genetic research such as mine. Previously I would encounter a deep reluctance on the part of potential subjects who were afraid that any results of an analysis of their DNA would result in insurance companies finding something they were likely to have, and canceling their health coverage. I can’t say they weren’t right to be concerned, but this law makes that illegal.
Issues of Modern Bride began arriving in my campus mailbox. (It was the only thing in there; everything else in my life arrives online.) It wasn’t hard to guess who sent me the gift subscription to that magazine; Fenton’s parents are getting awfully annoying. Then again, who knows how my folks will behave over the coming months while I’m home?

Well, I hope not! However, curiosity is getting the better of me as I investigate this inter-dimensional portal transmission theory. What could happen is that a receiver could exist on the other side of a portal, hooked up to a server to give everyone in that world access to what would be completely firewalled on the opposite side.
How to test it? I know where one portal is located, and working for an ISP means I have all of the communications hardware at my disposal. After classes end in two weeks I’ll have time to do some serious testing.
Why am I doing this? The aforementioned curiosity is one thing, but the main thing is the safety issue. Simply monitoring transmissions is a passive way of gaining information about another place or time, without the risk of bodily crossing over. I assume that if inhabitants of another dimension have been monitoring my world, they’re likely to be “mostly harmless” since they haven’t launched anything aggressive against us.
Of course, for all I know, they could simply regard it as a work of fiction.

While testing the theoretical portal leakage (I do need to think of the better name for that!), I examined the immediate vicinity of the portals that Fenton and I know about within a fifty mile radius of Domain. I was looking for electromagnetic signals and background radiation that were not detectable elsewhere. Astonishingly, I did locate some around one portal that I know goes back to the mid-20th century of our own world. The signals turned out to be from ham radio operators, and since I don’t want to change the past in any way I’m not going to send any signals back.
So, to quote Jamie and Adam on “Mystbusters,” this can be filed under “Plausible.” The signals carrying my blog don’t go near that portal I tested, but come close to one whose destination is a mystery to me. As a regular viewer of the various “Stargate” series I’m reticent of poking my head through there; who knows what’s on the other side???
The question now is whether to continue this blog. After some consideration I’ve decided that I will. I enjoy writing it, and I doubt that it would have any significant effect on any universe that stumbles across it!
Meanwhile, it’s shedding season for everybody. On the way back from testing that portal I accidentally shed some quills that rained down on Rudy. He did have a point; hedgehogs really weren’t suppose to fly.

For a while now this blog has served as a personal diary or journal, completely sealed off from prying eyes. This has allowed me to comment unreservedly on my human origins, inside details on Hare Link’s business and even situations like Mr. Squirrel’s that I’d never want to be open to the public. I’ve used my entire reservoir of computer knowledge to keep it hidden behind the tightest firewall and encrypted security possible.
As far as I know that’s worked. However...some technical developments have made me wonder. Hare Link uses a signal that is impervious to anyone in this world I live in, but is in close proximity to one of the portals I discovered during my brief visit to human world.
After running some tests, I’ve found it's theoretically possible that this signal could make my blog available to someone on the other side of that portal. It’s far-fetched, but considering the events in my past I really can’t rule it out just on the basis of improbability.

Just after writing last week’s blog I began asking myself whether that really could be “D.B.Cooper’s” means of descent from the plane he hijacked. Namely, if Mr. Squirrel did land in that bird feeder, with the chute blowing away on its own just after impact, how could it have drifted two whole miles?
Then came the news that the chute found last week was of a much earlier vintage. That made much more sense, and has the added benefit of discouraging further interest that could lead to Mr. Squirrel’s doorstep. It does, of course, raise the question of what exactly did happen to his parachute.
It had to have been found nearby, if not by law enforcement personnel then by someone else. But who would’ve hidden it? I believe Mr. Squirrel when he says he had no accomplices (“D. B, Cooper’s” actions during the hijacking suggest that.) so who would’ve actively hidden evidence of a world-famous crime they weren’t a part of?
Perhaps it was the owners of the bird feeder that Mr. Squirrel landed in? But, what would birds in the Pacific Northwest have had to hide?
Anyway, gotta go. I need to update my MicroTalon software.

With a shock, I read on www.cnn.com the news that “D.B. Cooper’s” parachute from the hijacking decades ago had been found. I immediately went on GoogleEarth and compared the site to where Douglas Squirrel had been arrested for breaking and entering into a bird feeder on the very day that the hijacker had bailed out. Yep, the location of the chute was just two miles away from that spot; the wind had blown it that far before it settled into the forest floor.
I know Gran and Mr. Squirrel are following this story with intense interest. While Gran has apparently accepted that Mr. Squirrel has served his debt to society, I doubt that the federal authorities will agree.
It was a matter of luck that he wasn’t fingered right away. Luck, and jurisdictional conflicts. He was arrested by local law enforcement, and they never thought to tie him to the hijacking. Today, with an interconnected database, that confusion wouldn’t have happened.
The question now is, is somebody going to go through the court records of the town where the parachute was discovered and say, Hey, there was a squirrel arrested in a bird feeder on the same day the hijacker vanished. He fit the description. Better check him out...

Happy Easter! I drove up from Beige to celebrate the day with my family, and to see how Rudy would do with his second Easter Bunny gig. Being nocturnal, I was able to stay up and track his movements around the county via GPS.
Of course he had help in the person of Fiona. She’s an interesting character, blessed with smarts, enthusiasm, looks and (yes) wealth. She’s the walking embodiment of The Whole Package and Rudy, to his credit, knows what he has in her.
Fiona’s had her share of bizarre occurrences in her life, and she seems settled and relieved that they seem to be over. Still, one facet of her personality is her relish in dressing in costumes. At various times she’s disguised herself as a sheep, as Rudy and now as the Easter Bunny. She also took great pleasure in giving her father a rabbit makeover when he was briefly dating a rabbit-phile fennec, and in creating a fox costume for her mother when she was transformed into a human.
Add to this her photography hobby, and Fiona seems to put lots of effort into the art of imagery. Rudy himself is an artist, so perhaps this is the common denominator of their relationship.
BTW, they did fine distributing the eggs. From what Dad told me, the Rabbit Council was extremely pleased.

I had a real interesting experience with Fenton’s parents this week. That’s “interesting” as in the curse, “May you live in interesting times.”
They showed up unannounced on Beige University’s Parents Weekend for the first time ever, with wedding plans made unilaterally without consulting me. I don’t like conflict; I tend to be a mediator, but this was too much. I’d made it abundantly clear that the wedding wouldn’t take place until after I graduate, but still they presented detailed plans for a ceremony taking place in less than three months. What were they thinking???
...Or more specifically, what was she thinking because, let’s face it, Fenton’s dad probably had little input into this. I’ve never had much of a relationship with Ms. Fuscus due to Fenton being distant from his mom. That whole family is less than forthcoming in interpersonal relationships, with vast silences taking the place of honest contact. Then again, they may be just using sonar instead.
At any rate, Fenton’s smart house has taken over the maternal role in his life, and I’ve followed suit in seeing Tree as my future mother-in-the-law. This week’s events was a nasty reminder that I’m still going to be getting an actual mother-in-law that I’ll have to deal with.

A few nights ago Gran called (an unusual event itself) and asked me to investigate the background of the man she’d just dumped, Douglas Squirrel. That wasn’t the textbook sequence of events (dump, then investigate!) so I figured she’d regretted her course of action and really wanted a reason to take him back.
An online search brought up nothing more than his bird feeder theft conviction for which he’d served four years in prison, and then spent three more on probation. He served his time without incident, and since stealing from bird feeders isn’t a stigma in squirrel society he was able to go on to a successful banking career.
That would’ve been the end of it, but Gran also sent me via overnight mail a sample of the fur he’d shed on her. (Way to go, Gran!) I did an analysis, and didn’t discover any anomalies. Then I started comparing his DNA to outstanding criminal cases just to reassure her, and that’s when the match came up: D.B. Cooper.
It was before my time, but I read about the case; the only successful hijacking ever of an American airliner. He’d taken over the plane, forced it to land, released the passengers in exchange for $200,000, took off with the crew and bailed out over the Pacific northwest. He was never seen again.
Recently the FBI released a sample of the hijacker’s DNA obtained from the necktie he’d left behind. That’s where I found the match, and Fenton and I drove back to Domain to confront Mr. Squirrel. (Fenton was there to fly me to safety in case our quarry resorted to violence.)
It was a peaceful meeting, though, and Mr. Squirrel actually seemed relieved. I called Gran from his house, and told her the news. She was taken aback, but I talked her into giving him a second chance since he did indirectly serve time for the incident. She relented, and they went out to eat. Fenton and I won’t divulge the news, except to this blog which I know that nobody can access.
So that leaves one final mystery: where did the money go?

Dad made his monthly visit to Grampa at the state pen, and got a rude surprise. Dad texted me as he was leaving, and I got the news that Gran’s new flame has a prison record. At first I thought it might have been some cruel trick that Grampa was playing on his ex, but vindictiveness is not really his style. And sure enough, the news was true. (And here I thought Elanor had checked Mr. Squirrel’s background!)
The crime was stealing from a bird feeder, something that squirrels are notorious for doing. So notorious, in fact, that strict rules were placed on that, along with significant penalties. Writing this, it seems odd to me that birds would have such clout to put those laws in place since they generally occupy the lower rungs of society.
Then again, if that were so, how did Ms. Aura get to be in charge of the dimensional portal leading to the human world? That’s a big responsibility for a simple schoolteacher. Maybe it’s best that I don’t persue this further.
Anyway, Dad’s told Gran about Mr, Squirrel’s record. Now we’ll see how she reacts.