Virtual Quill

Fenton and I are dividing our time between Domain and Beige U. as the wedding date nears. In Domain we stay with our respective parents while at Beige we co-habitate within Tree. And no, as I’ve said before we haven’t consummated anything. We’re like a married couple in pretty much every other respect, though, which bodes well for our future together.
I’m continually checking off items on the wedding preparation list, which always seems to get longer instead of shorter somehow. With everything going on I haven’t followed the tragedy taking place in the Gulf as much as I should.
Those of us on land live separately from aquatic creatures, with a few exceptions. (Sharks, of course, are our lawyers.) This means that the oil, meant to fuel our lifestyle, is now destroying the habitats of undersea creatures who never saw any benefits from it. Because of that I’m sure we’ll soon be hearing from those sharks in the form of massive lawsuits.
The main spill is still out at sea but it won’t stay there forever, and may even follow the currents out of the Gulf and up the Eastern seaboard where it would affect Tammy and Ray at their lighthouse. As a geneticist I try to think of ways that I could help, but there are already microbes that devour spilled petroleum.
I can’t even contribute any shed fur, since mine are in the form of quills which aren’t very absorbent. Other species are doing their part in that respect, and the fur is having an impact in sopping up the mess.
Still, things currently look bleak and perhaps won’t be fixed for months until a relief well is drilled. I know that there’s a similar spill on the human side of the portal. How is it being handled there?

I write this as an official graduate of Beige University. It’s in the middle of the night, and everyone but me is asleep except for Fenton who is monitoring Hare-Link’s systems. That’s usually my job, but he said it’s my Special Day. In a month, of course, we’ll have Our Special Day.
Speaking of specialness, who put graduation the day before Mother’s Day? I’ll give Kell a card when she wakes up, and we’ll all go out to dinner/breakfast before everyone drives back to Domain.
Graduation went flawlessly. The weather was nice, all of the family that I care about came, and R.L. (the commencement speaker) didn’t devour anybody.
After receiving my diploma I rushed into Fenton’s arms. I think Dad was expecting me to rush into his arms first...why? oh, maybe because he adopted me, raised me practically single-handedly, employed Fenton and I, put me through college and saved Tree from certain doom. Little things like that. He got my next hug seconds later, but I could tell I’d inadvertently sent a message.
I feel a little guilty, but more about the manner of the message than the message itself. It is true. Fenton is the most important man in my life right now, and he will be for the rest of my life. I do give Dad props for handling that adjustment gracefully, (It makes me wonder how Kell really views Fiona...but that’s years and years away.)
Now, with graduation out of the way, the wedding has my full and complete attention.
My question; how do humans handle the graduation ceremony?

My bridal shower was yesterday, held just before my graduation. Could this month get any crazier? And it’ll only get worse as the big day approaches.
When everyone asked what I needed most, my answer elicited a wide range of responses. (Astonishment, disgust, surprise, etc.) However, it’s true. Tree is my home, and the tree surgeon monitoring her progress in adapting to her transplanting says she requires an immediate spreading of fertilizer around her base. It’s not a crisis situation; but more to prevent a future crisis. The amount of fertilizer required is expensive, though, so that’s what I asked everyone to give me.
I rented an empty hauling vehicle exclusively used for such cargo from a farm equipment company and headed up the Domain. The shower took place at the Fennec boarding house, which has a large number of occupants. Most of the...contributions...came from that source.
Fenton stayed back at Beige, and Kevin, Rudy, George Fennec, Uncle Ralph and Francis hid out in the family treehouse watching the muddy Kentucky Derby. The shower itself was a concentrated dose of estrogen; more than I’m comfortable with, actually. But of course I was polite and smiled a lot. This was in my honor, after all. I enjoyed catching up with Kindle relatives I hadn’t seen in years since Dad and I left the rabbit warren.
I departed with a full load and drove back home. (Yes, I said Tree is home now.) She’d created her own shower...of pine cones. I thanked her profusely, and later called Douglas Squirrel to come and get them. By the time he and Gran arrived at mid-evening, Fenton and I had unloaded the fertilizer.
I’ve now been up for 24 hours straight. These daytime events are really messing with my circadian rhythms. And now I’ve got a graduation to attend... I'm going to sleep now; in the meantime, what kind of bridal shower gifts do human brides get?

Tammy’s visit became stressful due to her bringing her son Angstrom, and not because of Angstrom! He was very well-behaved for a three-year-old. No, it was Tammy constantly hovering over him so that she couldn’t focus on the wedding preparations. Finally, we drove the two hours from Beige U. to Domain so Angstrom could play with Coney and Francis.
The children almost instinctively found things in common to turn into games. After using Angstrom’s glow to make hand shadow figures, they played flashlight tag. Francis won at hide-and-seek; he seems to win any kind of game involving finding things.
Meanwhile I got Tammy’s measurements for her bridesmaid dress, and we went over the schedule for the weekend of June 5. Two of my other bridesmaids, Fiona and Corrie, came over and we chatted online with Rhonda and Rachel back at school. Tammy and Angstrom left at 10:00 in the evening and returned to the lighthouse.
Everything seems to be falling into place, which worries me.
Not that the Disney company needs a plug from me, but they’ve released a DVD reissue of one of my all-time favorite movies, Hayao Miyazaki’s “Kiki’s Delivery Service.” Its special appeal to me is easy to see, since it’s about a young witch who runs errands by flying on her broom. Her ability to fly is depicted not as a skill to be learned (as in Harry Potter) but as an art. She faces a crisis when a loss of confidence results in her losing her powers.
See it.
What's your favorite Miyazaki film?

Kell returned to Herd Thinners, Inc. this week, although not in a hunting capacity. Her cast may be off but she still has a ways to go before strenuous physical activity is an option. Fortunately she’s making good progress under Gran’s exercise regimen.
It was a bit of risk for Kell to appear amid hungry predators. She knows that she currently falls under the category of “sick and wounded” but as long as she walks relatively slowly no limp is visible. That. and her reputation will protect her. No one wants to risk their life by testing just how able she is.
She’s helping out by doing paperwork for other predators, which wins her favors that she can call on in the future. Paperwork is the bane of HT employees who’d much rather be out hunting, but it’s necessary to protect the company from murder charges. Every kill has to be documented as clearly anonymous...unless it’s HT employees targeting each other! R.L. actually encourages that, and within the walls of corporate headquarters he has ultimate authority even superseding the state.
Meanwhile, my old friend Tammy is about to arrive in a few minutes. She’s one of my bridesmaids and the only one that doesn’t live either in Domain or here at Beige U. so she hasn’t been able to be a part of the wedding plans until now. She’s bringing her son Angstrom (now three years old!) while her husband Ray stays back at the lighthouse where they live.
Today's question: Tammy loves to eat pollen. How does pollen affect humans?

Francis was the star of the Easter egg hunt last Sunday (which took place just after I’d posted last week’s blog). Up against children of species spanning the whole spectrum of local fauna, he collected the most eggs.
This surprised everyone since it’s obvious that he has no outstanding physical prowess. Apparently his innate human curiosity led him to conduct a more thorough exploration of the field than those who relied on their specialized talents.
Yes, it was just a game for preschoolers conducted under arbitrary rules and adult supervision, but it was illuminating. Francis is certainly going to have an interesting life here. It‘s also a reminder that there’s a high likelihood of my having human children in my future.
Fenton and I certainly hope to have children sometime, although not right away. In my mind I’m thinking of my mid- to late-twenties before starting a family. If it happens that as a former human my destiny is to produce human offspring, so be it. Not that that’s carved in stone; for Danielle, the former human, giving birth to a human might be a singular occurrence owing to her more recent arrival here.
...Or to George Fennec having really, really recessive genes! Okay, that was a cheap shot. His genes aren’t so recessive. Just ask Fiona. Ask her from the next area code. Her fennec ears will hear you.
Today's question: Danielle is doing the Hare Link taxes this week. Since she's busy right now I'll ask you: how are human taxes collected?

Rudy and Fiona just concluded their annual “special services” job for a certain species that shall remain nameless, which will provide some of their college funding after their graduation. As high school seniors that takes on a certain urgency for them. I was lucky in that I got an academic scholarship from BeigeU., and while Fiona’s stellar grades might qualify her for something similar, Rudy...well, not so much.
This year was unusual in that they encountered a child that wanted to take over the position they currently hold, by various underhanded means. Fiona and her extraordinary hearing quickly located the boy’s mother, who retrieved him. At that point Rudy and Fiona were waylaid by an enormous bear, hungry after waking from hibernation. The boy, named Wendell, saved their skins with a well-thrown baseball bat.
So now Rudy and Fiona are in debt to this youngster whose main attributes seem to be pushiness, persistence and an utter lack of ethical behavior. I’m guessing we haven’t seen the last of him.
I heard all about this when Rudy came in at dawn. He slept for a couple hours and then got up to watch the little ones try to find Easter eggs hidden by the “Easter Bunny.”
Rudy grumbles about his mysterious job, but he undeniably takes professional pride in it.
What Easter customs do humans have? (Some of our customs have nothing to do with the religious aspects of the holiday.)

When Kell’s cast was removed her tibia was fully healed, but the muscles on her lower leg were markedly wizened from just a short period of inactivity. It was time for Gran to begin the process of restoring her to hunting condition.
Except she didn’t, at first.
There was one pathetic session of “exercise” that didn’t do any good at all. Kell, frustrated, began working out on her own until Gran told her she was risking breaking the bone all over again. Kell sulked, looking down the road at months before being able to hunt again.
The next day Gran did an about-face and put Kell through a grueling routine. This delighted Kell, as she showed definite progress. (My goal isn’t for her to hunt, of course; it’s for her to dance with Dad at my wedding.)
Even better news this week...by 2014 Kell’s broken leg won’t be able to be classified as a “pre-existing condition.”
Meanwhile, a large herd of deer suddenly departed the area. The census takers were trying to track them down for countering, but all they found was a pile of discarded carrots.
No question this week; I'll be away from my computer and won't be able to answer any responses.

I’m on the home stretch toward graduation. I’m now sure to pass all of my classes in this, my last semester, so my diploma is assured. Not that I’ll slack off; that’s just not me.
I’m also officially enrolled to begin my Master’s Degree program at Beige University in the fall. Outwardly not a lot will have changed. I’ll still be working in the genetics lab, but I’ll have a bit more authority.
Rachel and Rhonda visit frequently to help with wedding preparations. Tammy, also one of my bridesmaids, participates via Skype from the lighthouse on the coast. My other two bridesmaids, Fiona and Corrie, are a few years younger than us and basically have agreed to whatever decisions the rest of us make.
After the wedding, summer will be taken by our honeymoon. It won’t be a long trip since we don’t want to leave Tree unattended. Sudden thunderstorms are a frequent occurrence around here and Tree is still vulnerable to high winds.
Back home, Kell’s cast is driving her crazy. She’s not the type to complain, so when she says it’s a constant source of mental anguish we pay attention.

It’s census time, and the government was pretty efficient in sending the form to Tree so soon after her relocation. Fenton and I looked at the form, then we looked at each other, and then back at the form. Then we listed a household numbering “two.”
Yes, I’m living here now. I only return to the dorm to get my snail mail. The last time I went back Rachel had moved all of her stuff into the section that I used to occupy, so it’s a good deal for everybody.
I know that some people will make next assumption and I’ll just say right out that Fenton and I are still saving ourselves for the wedding night. This requires less self-control than you might think since he sleeps hanging from a horizontal pole installed above the bed where I sleep.
This isn’t any big secret to my family, as they figured it out weeks ago. Kell finally brought it up when I came home to work on the wedding plans with her, and she said it was okay with her and Dad. (I wonder what she would have said a few years ago...or what she would say about Rudy and Fiona if- ...But they haven’t, according to Fiona.)
Come to think of it, we probably should have written “three” on the form to include Tree. The census is for fauna only but she is, after all, an intelligent presence in the household. We could certainly make a case for her but it would raise all sorts of issues with the Species Registry. She’s still in a fragile condition and she doesn’t need the stress that would come with dealing with conflict.
In other college news, Beige University fired the coach of its hunting team yesterday. I wonder how this will affect Rhonda, who’s a first stringer on the squad.
Today's question: How many are in your household?

This is probably a good time for me to detail the workings of Herd Thinners, Inc. for the humans who read this. Denizens of my world, of course, are all too familiar with it!
Basically, it’s a food processing and distribution company, specializing in bringing meat to supermarkets as quickly as possible. This is because their carnivorous customers demand fresh kills. With 20th-century breakthroughs in transportation and technology, the company lives up to its slogan “From Roar to Store in 24.”
A predator such as Kell is responsible for a specific quota measured in pounds (which as we’ve just seen can vary). When she kills an elk, for example, she drags it to a collection point in The Wild where the company’s butchers process it within hours. At sundown the meat from the collection point is trucked to a packaging plant. By dawn the individually wrapped food is shipped to grocery stores where they’re on the shelves by mid-morning. It’s an intricate set-up, and was copied first by UPS and then by Federal Express for non-food shipping.
Once Kell fulfills her daily quota (which in her case is usually by noon), she returns to the Herd Thinners offices where she fills out the paperwork and has staff meetings. Now that her leg is healing she’s staying home, which is making her quite restless. Fortunately for me, she’s using her free time to help me plan the wedding.
BTW, due to her many years with the company she’s receiving a full paycheck during her convalescence. (That’s based on length of service.) A predator injured during their first year of employment would simply be fired, or worse if they weren’t familiar with R.L.’s methods of downsizing. (Hint: it involves digestion)
I know humans eat meat. Do you have a similar process?

Eventful happenings back home, just when I’m swamped with my own workload. This means I have to hear everything secondhand from my bridesmaids, Fiona and Corrie.
With her broken tibia, Kell was unable to meet her prey quota which put her job at risk. Kell had no other options, so she agreed to have Sheila disguise herself and go out hunting in her place. (The disguise was important, as Herd Thinners has informants planted all over The Wild to ensure that their predators follow company policy. The informants are prey that had been caught and allowed to return for that purpose.) Sheila tried to hunt by taking directions from Kell via cell phone, but it wasn’t effective.
Instead she found her boyfriend Frank Mangle who saw through the disguise immediately. (They obviously have become close!) Frank confessed that the reason he has despised Kell all these years was because she once chased him up a tree when they were little. Except...it wasn’t Kell who did that. Sheila admitted it was her.
Faced with seeing the incident in a new light, Frank realized how juvenile it was for him to hold a grudge that long. That issue was resolved, but there was still the problem of finding prey weeks before the herds were scheduled to arrive.
Unexpectedly, they came early. Unlike some parts of the country, the weather has been warm here and the herds thundered over the hills just in time for all the predators to make their quota.
You know, it just occurred to me. Kell admits that she chased her share of felines up trees as a pup, but she never remembered chasing Ms. Eyeshine (who, of course, remembered it vividly). Do you think that was actually Sheila that time as well?

I woke yesterday at sunset to find a bunch of E-mails and texts from the family back home, saying that Kell had broken her left tibia while hunting. It had happened in The Wild when she’d fallen into a gopher hole. I immediately asked if I should come home right away, but Kell said no; everything was under control.
Kell knew right away it was a fracture, and called Dad on her personal cell phone. (If she’d called the Herd Thinners predator distress line she would have been under their care...and often those who enter the company health system aren’t seen again until they’re found in a grocery store display case.)
Dad and Rudy found her about twenty minutes later and carried her to the minivan. Dr. Caduceus said it was a clean break, not a spiral fracture, and put it in a cast for the next six weeks. He said she’ll be back to full speed in about three to four months.
Today I asked again what I could do and Kell said nothing at the moment. With the Hare-Link staff downstairs she has a full house of people helping her out, plus Ms. Eyeshine across the street and Fiona, Corrie and Martha next door in the boarding house.
Then there’s her cousin Sheila. The whole reason Kell was out hunting when prey is nowhere to be found is because R.L. said he’d fire anyone who failed to meet a new quota. Now Kell is injured, and Sheila (who hasn’t hunted in forever) has volunteered to try.
Kell may need my help after all, but the bugs that I’d bring in don’t weigh that much.
Today's question: Am I an awful person for wondering how this will affect my wedding plans?

Happy Valentines Day! We got our share of snow this time; 4.25 inches on Friday evening. The sun came out Saturday and melted a great deal of it, but then the temps went into the twenties and refroze everything. As a result, no moonlight flights for us. We stayed snuggled inside nice, warm Tree, playing Wii games.
Tree is continuing her recovery, getting stronger with each passing day. The ground here is sturdy enough to support her, and soft enough to allow her root system to spread. Her sap pressure is slightly low, but improving. We’re careful not to turn on too many of her systems at once. At first we questioned whether we should even be living inside her at this point, but she insisted. She said that having us here improved her spirits, which of course is the best medicine.
Birds are nesting in her upper branches, which is another sign of health. That makes Fenton nervous for some reason, though, but he can’t put his finger on why.
Um, did I say that we were living inside Tree? Um...My official residence is back at the dorm with Rachel. That’s where my mail goes. Move along, people, nothing to see here.
With everything going on, Spring Break for us will be Going Berserk With Wedding Plans Break. But I’ve ranted enough about that in recent blogs so I’ll spare you for this week at least.
A friend named Jim Hunkler sent the snow-Kell and snow-Coney. Did any of you make snow creatures?

In what is probably a common reaction among grooms, Fenton got all emo about being left out of the wedding plans. (Yeah, I wish I could have that option!) These feelings came despite his having absolutely zero interest in the various tasks, or the ability to carry them out even if he did. It’s one of the major events in his life and it’s totally beyond his control. Letting him figure out the seating chart for the reception should keep him busy, even if he accomplishes it by writing special computer code.
Most of the planning is taking place at Tree, with Rachel and Rhonda and (via Skype) Tammy. Rhonda is disappointed that Fenton and I won’t be living in the Family Housing dorm next year with her and Quinn. Speaking of Quinn, he accompanies Rhonda during her visits here and he and Fenton end up on the sofa playing video games.
My bridesmaids are going to be Rhonda, Rachel, Tammy, Fiona and Corrie. Rachel wondered if her girlfriend Joan could be included, but I had to say no simply because I don’t know Joan that well. I’ve already had to turn down several of my old herbivore friends from Caliban.
Speaking of being left out, Tree (who is still on the mend) wishes that she could attend the ceremony in some fashion. I came up with a solution. Coney, as the Flower Girl, won’t be sprinkling flower petals as she walks down the aisle. Instead, Coney will use the pine needles that came off Tree during the process of being loaded onto the truck last month. (There were lots of those!)
Today's question for those of you on the east coast of the US: how many inches of snow did you get? (We just got cold, awful, nasty rain.)