YIN YANG

Saturday, January 2. 2010

I woke on Saturday (around 5:30 p.m.) and discovered that about half of my quills had turned white. This has happened once before, but in that case it was after I’d received an intense scare. These days it isn’t fear that’s causing emotional distress, but the conflicting feelings tearing at me.
As I begin my final semester I find myself hurtling toward decisions that I believed I wouldn’t have to make for a few years. Not in marrying Fenton; in retrospect I’d made up my mind to do that long ago. What’s eating at me is what comes after. As I analyze things, I guess that I had been putting off that eventuality, and dealing with it by ignoring it. (There was once an expression referring to “The elephant in the room” but elephants protested that it was size-ist so now it’s no longer PC.)
Ignoring it is no longer an option. Come June, after our honeymoon, we’ll either be settling into a life in Domain or we’ll be heading to a university where I can continue my research and career. Yes, I know that it’s possible to get a Master’s and even a Ph.D. online, but in my field of genetics I’d require incredibly expensive equipment. Also, in this burgeoning field I’d need to be on a department staff where I could be part of a team, co-writing papers and making contacts at conferences.
I’ve talked to Fenton about a little of this, but thanks to my tell-tale quills it’s obvious that my subconscious is forcing me to come to an immediate resolution. Classes here at Beige won’t start until mid-week, so I have a few days to sort things out. I’m going home (without Fenton) for a heart-to-heart talk with someone who will be vastly impacted by the decision we make...and who is also manifesting the emotions of stress and uncertainty.
Tree.
No question this week. Just...wish me luck.

Posted by Lindesfarne at 22:42 | Comments (16) | Trackbacks (0)

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Good luck, Lindesfarne Dewclaw.
At least you can take solace in one thing, that no matter what you have a loving family and your subconscious has a sense of humor.

#1 Alex on 2010-01-03 01:39 (Reply)

Good luck, Lindesfarne!

I've been married to Mrs. Lion for 10 years now and it's a lot of fun. Marriage isn't something to be feared but enjoyed, you and Fenton obviously like spending time together, so you'd make great marriage partners.

#2 Ken D. Lion on 2010-01-03 02:19 (Reply)

Of course I wish you luck, Lindesfarne. With your background, you are certainly unique... but have you realized (and accepted) how unique Fenton is?

He has, in effect, two mothers (as do you). His biological mother will be easy to satisfy: she basically just wants to see her son married. His emotional mother, Tree, is much more needy. She's alone in the world, being the only sentient member of the plant kingdom. (Well almost: we can't forget Daisy.) You will need to come to some compromise with her, somehow. You will have to find some way of widening her circle of friends so that she becomes at least somewhat less emotionally dependent on your (quite lucky) husband-to-be.

On our side, one of the variants of the phrase you mentioned is the six-hundred-pound Gorilla in the room. That isn't considered 'size-ist' over here, since we humans feel that we are the only sentient species. I'm not as certain of that, myself. (I, personally, fall into the 'grossly obese' medical category.)

(Joke, but true: the spam-prevention string I must enter here is 7ELNR: What does Grandmother Elanor think of all this?

)

#3 CharlieG on 2010-01-03 04:48 (Reply)

There is a human world move I have heard of toward home lab stuff in the genetics field. But that is not for some nasty diseases.

Echoing Ked D. Lion, The best of luck, but marrying your best friend is a good part of that luck. The other part for me was a book, Intimate Enemies or How to Fight Fair, which made me look half intelligent when we started pre-marital counseling, plus doing that counseling with a pshink, not a priest. Plus doing that counseling w/o a deadline. It saved us 5+ years of misunderstandings, and gave us the knowledge to go back to counseling when we needed it.

'Otter

#4 Old Prof. Otter on 2010-01-03 08:14 (Reply)

Lindesfarne, you're probably one of the very few women in the world who understands the concerns of her fiance's mother (figure) when it comes to making such decisions. Especially since Tree won't be able to come visit like most mothers. So I'm really in awe of your sensitivity for wanting to talk this over with her.

Part of me does wonder however if your subconscious wasn't inspired by the fast approaching deadlines of graduate school and scholarship applications.

Whatever you decide, good luck. And I look forward to this next week's representation of you and Tree talking.

#5 Ytsken on 2010-01-03 09:22 (Reply)

Good luck with whatever you decide. Also, I want to say that no matter what you decide, try to keep people into pressuring you into one or the other.

In the end, you are the one that has to live with the decision, so make sure you are making a decision for you.

#6 josh on 2010-01-03 10:19 (Reply)

Good luck Lindesfarne.

#7 Bixyl Shuftan (Link) on 2010-01-03 10:40 (Reply)

Good luck!

If I may suggest: come your honeymoon, try to forget your troubles and just enjoy it! There will be plenty of time to make the tough decisions afterward, and being refreshed and clear of mind can't hurt!

#8 ReFlex76 (Link) on 2010-01-03 15:34 (Reply)

Luck

#9 asdf on 2010-01-03 16:27 (Reply)

Good luck Lindesfarne!

#10 Steff on 2010-01-03 17:28 (Reply)

"Elephant in the room".
There was a comedy skit that tried to use that phrase, had an actual elephant, went nowhere until the elephant releaved herself. The camera men had trouble, they were laughing too hard. No doubt it is on our web somewhere.
'Otter.

#11 Old Prof. Otter on 2010-01-03 22:25 (Reply)

As a woman in academia, I've been blessed with a husband who followed me first to graduate school and then to a faculty position---far away from either of our homes. What made this possible? When I started grad school, he became a full-time telecommuter. He flies to visit his colleagues about once a month. Maybe Fenton can keep in touch with Tree over the Internet, and fly home for visits! While I appreciate your sensitivity to Tree's feelings, you're going to have to include Fenton in the discussion too.

#12 Prof. Davis on 2010-01-04 20:05 (Reply)

Best of luck to you.

Some of your quills turned white?

Reminds me of the time I had some family issues and three of my antenae turned clear(briefly, fortunately- fluid vessels aren't the best look)

I'm afraid I can't say much about marriage- my species has less 'sophisticated' traditions when it comes to mates.

#13 Velani on 2010-01-05 14:06 (Reply)

It looks more like distraction than luck (Jan 9th).
'Otter

#14 Old Prof. Otter on 2010-01-09 16:34 (Reply)

I think everything gthats happened in your life was to get ready for this event. The living 1st. with a mother who ignored you then one who earned the titale of mother. The problems & how you solved them. Enjoy your honeymoon.

As for TREE. I hope she is OK. I know she will miss you but she will not be alone. Kevin has a lot of respect for her.
I was thinking Rudy may be getting married in 4 or 5 years. He will need a place of his own. How about he could move in now to see if he would like living their. He would not be alone. Tree would watch over him. Even if he did have Fiona stay over for a night every now & then she would make the perfect chaperon.

#15 STEVEN BRAMS on 2010-01-10 11:39 (Reply)

Nice!! Great Ifo. Great People. Great Blog. Thank you for all the great sharing that is being done here. =-=

#16 Justin on 2011-07-15 07:41 (Reply)

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