Virtual Quill

It’s the day after Christmas, and I’m finally able to give the whole report on Kell’s successful defense of her CEO position.
The night of the Herd Thinners office party Dad texted us with the news ITS ON. The challenger turned out to be Maritimus Ursal , a polar bear and one of the top predators in the company. (No relation, BTW, to the family who once lived across the street.) Kell had always admired him, and frequently helped him with computer issues.
We all piled into my car, and discovered I had a dead battery. Fenton had an idea and called his family down the street. They arrived with an empty sleigh, and when we got in they took us airborne with Fenton in the lead. He put a red light on his nose as a safety measure for other aircraft to see.
Back at Herd Thinners, the challenge was made and accepted. Dad, taking cover under a table at Kell’s insistence, kept texting updates. Marty, as Kell calls him, wanted to take over Herd Thinners in order to move its base of operations to the North Pole where it would be beyond any government’s regulations...and where he’d be in his own habitat.
Despite this prospect, not one fellow predator came to Kell’s defense. They seemed to regard her chances as slim and none, and didn’t want to be on the losing side.
Kell was able to use the strategies that Dad and Gran taught her, and inflicted damage. However, she also received wounds of her own from the bear’s claws. Finally she sent her opponent crashing into the very table Dad was under. He grabbed Dad by the ears, which caused Kell to shift gears from offense to trying to protect Dad.
The immediate result of that was a blow sending Kell crashing into the opposite wall, knocking down the Christmas tree and falling amid the packages. Dad was still under the collapsed table, unhurt but struggling to free himself. Kell had one last chance as her opponent came in for the kill; she grabbed a fruitcake tangled up in a string of lights and shoved it in his mouth. She then tossed the tree through a plate glass window, and the fruitcake yanked out his teeth.
Both combatants fell to the ground; the bear writhing in pain, and Kell with a concussion. Somehow, Kell was the first to stand, winning the battle. We arrived on the company rooftop just as the opponent was being taken away on a stretcher. Kell had defied Angelique’s request to stick to tradition and kill the challenger. And why not? ...Because now Kell has to prove she can run the company, and she didn’t want to lose a predator of his calibre.
Dad had arranged for Dr. Caduceus to be there surreptitiously, and he diagnosed Kell’s concussion. She’s been treated for it, and is now fully recovered. On a side note, the polar bear’s teeth were all successfully restored.
That was two weeks ago. Since, then Kell’s been recuperating and running the company from home via Desdemona. On Monday she’ll return for the first time since the fight.
The conquering hero.

(Written two weeks ago)
So far this season I haven’t posted anything about Beige University’s hunting team, simply because I was afraid that doing so would jinx them. Now, however, they’ve defeated the Carolina Fighting Roosters which makes them conference champions.
I’m ready proud of Rhonda. She made several spectacular kills, including one just before halftime that could only be described as a miracle. A flying squirrel descended onto the field of play and was batted around until Rhonda grabbed it. (I’m not sure why it’s called a Hail Mary play.)
I’m sure you’re all acquainted with the mid-season controversy over our star player, a lion who also moves with the power of a rhino and the speed and agility of a rabbit. His father allegedly asked another school for a great deal of money to play for them, and he was naturally told to take a hike. Neither the player, nor Beige for that matter, knew that this had occurred which is why the player was able to retain his eligibility. I’m sure he was clean; the NCAA is staffed by hyenas whose tenacity makes them impossible to hide from. If there had been wrongdoing on the part of the player or Beige, their investigators would have found it.
When he joined the team he elevated everyone’s game, including Rhonda’s. She became more aggressive, abandoning her standard feline “lay in wait” strategy in favor of actively chasing down prey. She increased her previous totals, as did most of her teammates. Suddenly no one could beat us, including the Crimson Pachyderms from across the state. (That was an amazing contest in which we fell behind by 24 kills and somehow came back to win.)
Now it’s on to Arizona where we’ll play the Mallards on January 10 for the national hunting championship. Go Beige!

I write this on Sunday, the day before the Herd Thinners office holiday party that just happens to coincide with the expiration of Kell’s grace period as CEO. Dad will be there because it’s expected of the CEO’s spouse to attend gatherings of that nature, but Kell told Corrie to manage the website from home, and for Desdemona to stay up in her office. True to form, Kell is thinking of the safety of others. If the challenge does come, I have no doubt that she’ll make sure Dad isn’t at risk. Kell knows that Rudy, Coney and I can’t afford to lose both parents.
All we can do now is wait. In the meantime, Fenton and I busied ourselves by decorating Tree as we do every year. This was Tree’s first holiday season in her new location, and after her close brush with death last January in the flood we have something to truly celebrate. Tree sees it as dressing up; she admits to being somewhat vain in that regard.
After we’re done, Fenton and I will get in our car and I’ll drive us up to Domain. Exams are over, and we’re needed back home. We’ll spent Monday at the Desclaw family residence with Gran, Elanor, Rudy and Coney, hoping for texts from Dad telling us how it’s going.
Just in case I’m not able to update this blog next week, I’ve written a blog entry in advance about the Beige University hunting team making the national championship game. I’ll upload it next Sunday if there’s too much drama going on here.

As a grad student I have duties beyond the classes I’m taking. In my case, this includes grading the papers of the students being taught by Professor Antlerhead. groan
One change of my schedule from previous years is that instead of heading back to Domain after exams, I’ll be staying here at Beige in my own home with my husband. Of course we’ll go back to Domain for the weekend of Christmas.
...And also for the night that Kell becomes eligible to be challenged. In truth, we’ve all put that date down on our internal clocks. Dad called me this morning; he said that Kell is having nightmares. I felt awful for her since the stress is obviously wearing on her. He’s concerned, too, and he even suggested she quit her position.
Given our culture, that’s hardly an option. While it wouldn’t affect me so much, it would damage the family heritage to the point where it would impact Rudy’s and Coney’s entire futures. She would have to go into hiding, and when Dad suggested that she disappear into the rabbit tunnels, she naturally dismissed it out of hand.
One thing is true, though: the rabbits would hide her if she wanted. That’s because since she became Herd Thinners CEO not one rabbit has been taken by a HT staff predator. The rabbits credit her, and she’s become sort of a rabbit folk hero. Odd how those things turn out.
So, she’s decided to accept the challenge and its consequences. I think it’s the bravest thing I’ve ever seen.
I don’t want to be totally depressing here so I’ll include a link to a rabbit dancing with a human to Tom Lehrer’s “Masochism Tango.”