Virtual Quill

With a shock, I read on www.cnn.com the news that “D.B. Cooper’s” parachute from the hijacking decades ago had been found. I immediately went on GoogleEarth and compared the site to where Douglas Squirrel had been arrested for breaking and entering into a bird feeder on the very day that the hijacker had bailed out. Yep, the location of the chute was just two miles away from that spot; the wind had blown it that far before it settled into the forest floor.
I know Gran and Mr. Squirrel are following this story with intense interest. While Gran has apparently accepted that Mr. Squirrel has served his debt to society, I doubt that the federal authorities will agree.
It was a matter of luck that he wasn’t fingered right away. Luck, and jurisdictional conflicts. He was arrested by local law enforcement, and they never thought to tie him to the hijacking. Today, with an interconnected database, that confusion wouldn’t have happened.
The question now is, is somebody going to go through the court records of the town where the parachute was discovered and say, Hey, there was a squirrel arrested in a bird feeder on the same day the hijacker vanished. He fit the description. Better check him out...

Happy Easter! I drove up from Beige to celebrate the day with my family, and to see how Rudy would do with his second Easter Bunny gig. Being nocturnal, I was able to stay up and track his movements around the county via GPS.
Of course he had help in the person of Fiona. She’s an interesting character, blessed with smarts, enthusiasm, looks and (yes) wealth. She’s the walking embodiment of The Whole Package and Rudy, to his credit, knows what he has in her.
Fiona’s had her share of bizarre occurrences in her life, and she seems settled and relieved that they seem to be over. Still, one facet of her personality is her relish in dressing in costumes. At various times she’s disguised herself as a sheep, as Rudy and now as the Easter Bunny. She also took great pleasure in giving her father a rabbit makeover when he was briefly dating a rabbit-phile fennec, and in creating a fox costume for her mother when she was transformed into a human.
Add to this her photography hobby, and Fiona seems to put lots of effort into the art of imagery. Rudy himself is an artist, so perhaps this is the common denominator of their relationship.
BTW, they did fine distributing the eggs. From what Dad told me, the Rabbit Council was extremely pleased.

I had a real interesting experience with Fenton’s parents this week. That’s “interesting” as in the curse, “May you live in interesting times.”
They showed up unannounced on Beige University’s Parents Weekend for the first time ever, with wedding plans made unilaterally without consulting me. I don’t like conflict; I tend to be a mediator, but this was too much. I’d made it abundantly clear that the wedding wouldn’t take place until after I graduate, but still they presented detailed plans for a ceremony taking place in less than three months. What were they thinking???
...Or more specifically, what was she thinking because, let’s face it, Fenton’s dad probably had little input into this. I’ve never had much of a relationship with Ms. Fuscus due to Fenton being distant from his mom. That whole family is less than forthcoming in interpersonal relationships, with vast silences taking the place of honest contact. Then again, they may be just using sonar instead.
At any rate, Fenton’s smart house has taken over the maternal role in his life, and I’ve followed suit in seeing Tree as my future mother-in-the-law. This week’s events was a nasty reminder that I’m still going to be getting an actual mother-in-law that I’ll have to deal with.

A few nights ago Gran called (an unusual event itself) and asked me to investigate the background of the man she’d just dumped, Douglas Squirrel. That wasn’t the textbook sequence of events (dump, then investigate!) so I figured she’d regretted her course of action and really wanted a reason to take him back.
An online search brought up nothing more than his bird feeder theft conviction for which he’d served four years in prison, and then spent three more on probation. He served his time without incident, and since stealing from bird feeders isn’t a stigma in squirrel society he was able to go on to a successful banking career.
That would’ve been the end of it, but Gran also sent me via overnight mail a sample of the fur he’d shed on her. (Way to go, Gran!) I did an analysis, and didn’t discover any anomalies. Then I started comparing his DNA to outstanding criminal cases just to reassure her, and that’s when the match came up: D.B. Cooper.
It was before my time, but I read about the case; the only successful hijacking ever of an American airliner. He’d taken over the plane, forced it to land, released the passengers in exchange for $200,000, took off with the crew and bailed out over the Pacific northwest. He was never seen again.
Recently the FBI released a sample of the hijacker’s DNA obtained from the necktie he’d left behind. That’s where I found the match, and Fenton and I drove back to Domain to confront Mr. Squirrel. (Fenton was there to fly me to safety in case our quarry resorted to violence.)
It was a peaceful meeting, though, and Mr. Squirrel actually seemed relieved. I called Gran from his house, and told her the news. She was taken aback, but I talked her into giving him a second chance since he did indirectly serve time for the incident. She relented, and they went out to eat. Fenton and I won’t divulge the news, except to this blog which I know that nobody can access.
So that leaves one final mystery: where did the money go?

Dad made his monthly visit to Grampa at the state pen, and got a rude surprise. Dad texted me as he was leaving, and I got the news that Gran’s new flame has a prison record. At first I thought it might have been some cruel trick that Grampa was playing on his ex, but vindictiveness is not really his style. And sure enough, the news was true. (And here I thought Elanor had checked Mr. Squirrel’s background!)
The crime was stealing from a bird feeder, something that squirrels are notorious for doing. So notorious, in fact, that strict rules were placed on that, along with significant penalties. Writing this, it seems odd to me that birds would have such clout to put those laws in place since they generally occupy the lower rungs of society.
Then again, if that were so, how did Ms. Aura get to be in charge of the dimensional portal leading to the human world? That’s a big responsibility for a simple schoolteacher. Maybe it’s best that I don’t persue this further.
Anyway, Dad’s told Gran about Mr, Squirrel’s record. Now we’ll see how she reacts.